Last week I posted about Lessons in Humility and how sometimes those lessons are humorous but other times they go deeper and are decidedly less amusing. Well, this week seems to have been full of the latter. So I've been thinking...what's the difference?
Why is it sometimes I can learn from my mistakes and move forward (maybe even get a good laugh), but other times my mistakes make me want to beat my head against a wall and go hide in a hole?
After spending some time with the Lord (in prayer and in the Word) and talking with J (who is SUPER-DUPER amazing by the way :), I think I get the difference.
The times when I deal with my mistakes constructively are generally times where I am learning something that I feel like I can improve upon after having gone through the experience. They are "manageable" improvements. For example, experiencing for myself the frustration and embarrassment of losing my i-phone has grown me in my compassion and patience for C (who is only 7!) when he has trouble keeping up with his stuff.
The times when I let my mistakes crush me are generally times when I'm being shown something about myself that I have NO ability to improve upon. Things that are so ingrained in me that I know I can't change. That's such a discouraging place to be and just leads to doubt, guilt, and frustration. It's exhausting...and sad! I can throw QUITE the pity-party!
The difference between the two is HOPE. Sometimes I have it. Sometimes I don't.
OUCH!
And I'm not done! There's more! As I was typing the two descriptions, I noticed the number of times I used the word "I." I think it is very telling! This all revolves around how I can or cannot improve myself. There is NOTHING in there about what the Lord can and will do! I guess I think I'm pretty great at fixing stuff, huh? Hello, PRIDE...ugh!
So basically my problem boils down to a lack of faith in the hope to which He has called me (Ephesians 2:18) and pride. Isn't that lovely!?!
BUT GOD...
Brought me to these verses (among other) and now I am glad :)
Hebrews 12:1 - 3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.
I don't have to be perfect! JESUS is the founder and perfecter of my faith. And growing weary and fainthearted in my struggle with sin...that's to be expected, but I don't need to succumb to it!
James 1:2-8
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
Trials...they are going to come, and they are going to test my faith. And, yes, sometimes I'm gonna bring them on myself in the form of my sinful choices or honest mistakes. But no matter the source of the test, that testing of my faith isn't wasted. It will produce steadfastness and the full effect of steadfastness...well, that's perfect and complete, lacking nothing (in Glory or when Jesus returns). Can't ask for better than that!
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Enough said :)
Psalm 138:8
The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever,
Do not forsake the work of your hands.
YEAH - this really is so encouraging!
Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with the humble is wisdom.
I know, I know humility is GOOD thing. I need all the wisdom I can get! :)
James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
EVERYTHING good comes from the Lord NOT from my superior problem solving, sin squashing skills!
Romans 8: 37
No, in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Take THAT, doubt!